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Shower Me with Guilt

The warm water strips away oil and dirt,

The dead skin scrubbed away by soap and sea salt.

It almost feels nice to be clean and my body refreshed,

If I only deserved it.

I’ve always hated showers

Perhaps because they peel off my natural oil,

Leave me itching and dry.

Or maybe because they leave me alone with myself,

With my thoughts,

With my pain,

With my guilt.

Sobs and a sharp inhale against the washcloth, 

Choke on water.

Choke on pain.

Choke on guilt.

What did I do to prove my love?

What did I do to show I cared?

She was alone when it happened,

Was she scared?

I could’ve visited, could have seen her again,

Before I left to go far away.

But she’s gone from my rear-view mirror,

And now she’s gone from the world.

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